Growing up without a father shapes you in ways that are difficult to articulate. It leaves gaps—in your sense of identity, in the moments where you’re trying to figure out how to navigate the world, and in the simple lessons you’re supposed to learn about what it means to be a man. For my fiancé and me, raised by incredible, resilient single mothers, the absence of a father was both a shadow and a driving force.
Now, as a first-generation father to two amazing little girls, I’m determined to break that cycle. I want to create a legacy of love, stability, and guidance for my daughters. But breaking generational curses isn’t easy. It’s about rewriting scripts that have been playing out for decades.
The Ripple Effect of Father Absence
Studies show that children who grow up without fathers are more likely to face challenges such as behavioral problems, academic struggles, and emotional difficulties. According to research published by the National Fatherhood Initiative, children in father-absent homes are four times more likely to live in poverty and are more likely to engage in risky behaviors.
For boys, this often translates to an internalized struggle of “figuring it out” alone—whether it’s learning to tie a tie, developing emotional resilience, or understanding the balance between strength and vulnerability. For girls, the absence of a father can influence self-esteem and affect future relationships.
This resonates deeply with me. As a man who grew up without a father, I’ve often found myself defaulting to ultra-independence—believing I had to navigate everything on my own. It’s a mindset that can be both a strength and a limitation. While it has made me resourceful and resilient, it has also made vulnerability a challenge. Opening up, leaning on others, and sharing my struggles doesn’t come naturally, but it’s something I’m actively working on—not just for my sake, but for my daughters’ too. I want them to see that strength and vulnerability aren’t opposites; they can coexist and even complement each other.
Choosing a New Path
When I became a father, I realized I had two choices: I could repeat the patterns I grew up with, or I could intentionally create something new. Here’s what that process has looked like for me:
Commit to Being Present Being a dad isn’t just about being in the same room; it’s about being engaged. Whether it’s having tea parties with the girls, chasing them through the woods, or coloring together, these moments matter. Research from the Journal of Marriage and Family highlights that children with involved fathers are more likely to excel emotionally and academically.
Embrace Vulnerability Growing up, vulnerability wasn’t something I saw modeled often. But I’ve learned that being open about my feelings and struggles doesn’t make me weaker—it makes me stronger. Showing my daughters that it’s okay to feel and express emotions is one way I’m helping them grow into empathetic and self-aware individuals.
Break the Silence One of the hardest parts of father absence is the silence around it. No one really talked about the “why” or the “how.” I’m committed to creating a home where we have open, honest conversations—where my daughters feel safe asking questions and sharing their feelings.
Invest in the Future For me, breaking generational curses also means building traditions and memories. It’s about family camping trips, spontaneous dance parties in the living room, and creating a space where my daughters know they’re loved unconditionally.
Breaking the Cycle Together
Breaking generational curses isn’t just about what I do as a father; it’s about community. I’ve not only created but found support through my Rough Papa community, a space where fathers come together to support, challenge, and uplift one another. Together, we’re redefining what it means to be a dad, especially for those of us starting from scratch.
Final Thoughts
The effects of father absence are undeniable, but so is the power of intentional fatherhood. My journey as a dad is far from perfect, but every day, I strive to show up, to learn, and to love. For my daughters, I want to be the dad I never had—the dad who breaks the cycle and proves that generational curses can be turned into generational blessings.
If you’re a father navigating a similar journey, know this: You’re not alone. The work is hard, but the rewards are immeasurable. Together, we can create a legacy of love, strength, and healing. I'm glad you found this community.
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